Seeking Control = Misery

Control //

It’s what we are seeking at every turn.

Yet it is our desire to control the outside world, and its perception of us, that creates internal misery.

Take for example: imagining how bad things could go in the boardroom or on that date. Why do you have this obsession with idolizing your own failure?

Simple: it’s a defense against uncertainty and a perceived lack of control. It is an attempt to control that which, at this moment anyway, is uncontrollable. In other words, you are terrified of looking like an idiot.

Somehow, your brain thinks: “If I think about all the crap that could happen now, then I’ll be more prepared to deal when it happens.”

What does it take to stop these thought patterns? This is one of the questions philosophers have tried to answer for centuries. It is one of the great struggles of life to combat our innate desire to control.

But it takes relinquishing this desire to control the uncontrollable, deciding to be here now, finding a deep acceptance in yourself, knowing it's okay to fail, flop, and be wrong, and seeing the bigger picture--to be truly happy.

Because, paradoxically, when you accept your flaws, nature, and flagrant inadequacies everything starts to get better. Suddenly, you don't need to control everything, because you know who you are.

This is the essence of faith.

Kate Ward